I met a lady in the meads

Full beautiful - a faery's child,

Her hair was long, her foot was light,

And her eyes were wild.

La Belle Dame Sans Merci

Keats 1819

After finally deciding to become a Professional Dominatrix I spent a lot of time researching; I read books, I read through and contributed to forums as well as studying the websites and classifieds of other Dominatrices. The one common denominator between all these resources is that Domination has a unique meaning to each and every person who is involved in FemDom. I don't believe that there are any two Dominas who are the same in either play or opinion. This will account for the success enjoyed by numerous Dommes, even in the same city.

Now that I am in my fifth year as a professional I think I may now be able to express my ethos, my opinion and my beliefs regarding Female Domination. The following prose is based on questions that I have encountered through discussion, conversation and argument. My hope is that you will be able to make an informed decision as to whether we are of a similar view and thus a suitable match.

The Session

As it is my belief that no two Dominas are the same it stands to reason that no two clients are the same. As such I offer a bespoke one to one experience that will never be repeated, unless of course you are the sort of person who always orders his favourite meal at his favourite restaurant (yes, I do that too). Sessions with me are tailored to our mutual interests. I do not offer a revolving door roll-in roll-out service where the cuffs are still warm from the previous client. This point brings me neatly onto...

Hygiene

I often joke that I am more a professional cleaner than a professional Dominatrix. I spend an inordinate amount of time cleaning down, sterilising, disinfecting, tidying and re-arranging kit. I keep my rooms clean and tidy. I keep my leather and rubber treated and polished. I wipe down all surfaces with disinfectant (I love the smell of TCP) and I fill up my shiny bins with all the wrappers from my disposable consumables. Dildos and insertables are either sterilised by heat or cold methods according to their composition and delicate items are carefully and thoroughly cleansed with alcohol wipes (I love the smell of those too). Part of the love of what I do is the ritualistic preparation of my tools and the careful adherence to medical procedures to ensure sterility and best practise. Control freak? Moi? Ah, which brings us seamlessly to...

Control

Who is in control? If you are of the opinion that the sub is always in control and the phrase 'He who pays the piper calls the tune' is not far from your lips then you may stop reading now, click here, waste no more of your time, and subsequently mine, or you can read my point of view below.

Firstly, with direct reference to the saying, just because you are able to pay the piper does not mean that the piper even wants to play that tune. He may not like that tune. He may not want to play for you anyway. The assumption here is that the piper is prepared to play any tune, at any time, simply because you have waved a bit of cash around. If that really is your approach to professional Domination then you are definitely reading the wrong website!

Another way of looking at it is that you aren't paying to hear music: you are paying to be the instrument. For the time you are in session I am the person who is in control.

Yet another way of looking at this control conundrum is a simple analogy. You go to the dentist, sit in the chair and you hand over control. The dentist decides which teeth to poke, which to drill, which to fill, which to scale, whether you need an injection or not. When she says gargle you do it. When she says open wide you do it. When she's finished you pay her.

Who was in control? You or the dentist?

I am not a service-orientated dominant. I dominate because I enjoy it. It's as simple as that. But I only enjoy dominating submissives who enjoy being dominated. I enjoy exploring aspects of play with you. I don't enjoy conducting aspects of play for you. If your idea of a perfect session is to lie there and have things done to you for your pleasure only then please don't proceed any further as you will be wasting our time.

Perhaps you have a specific fetish?

Perhaps you enjoy a particular fabric, a particular play or perhaps you enjoy something out of the ordinary? This is absolutely no problem and I can accommodate you - as long as you realise that the session is about us and not just about you. For example, I cannot and will not wear something or do something to suit you if it means I am uncomfortable (for example wearing top to toe PVC on a hot summer's day). I am happy to accommodate fabrics or looks but don't reel off exactly what you want me to wear. I am not a dress up doll. Attitude is extremely important. If you expect or demand any form of play or clothing then I am not the Dominatrix for you. However if you discuss your fetish with me and allow us to devise a good play session together then I am the Dominatrix for you.

Dress

This is a continuation of the Control section of my ethos but I felt it deserving of its own section. I adore fetishwear. I love corsets and I love my boots. I have a huge selection of high heeled shoes and my bedroom is awash with accessories such as fur stoles and fully fashioned stockings. However, although I am open to your suggestion as to what you would appreciate me wearing during our play, before the appointment, I will not wear your requirements if it means I will be uncomfortable. Although I appreciate the power of your fetish, I am more aware of my comfort, or rather discomfort.

If the weather is particularly warm then I am not prepared to wear PVC or rubber. If I am too hot, I am uncomfortable. If I am uncomfortable then the session would be rubbish anyway...and we'd both be disappointed.

Limits

There is nothing worse than a sub who has a list of limits as long as his arm. It is too prescriptive and too constraining for me. It's boring, for goodness' sake! Fortunately, most of my clients understand that when they come to me they are handing over control to ME. Part of my pleasure and their delight is to be made to do some activities that they don't know much about, or have some natural reservations about. They want me to have control, they wouldn't dream of retaining any more control that what is absolutely necessary. Retaining control defeats the purpose of their being here.

There are clearly differing definitions as to what constitutes a 'hard limit'. Anything from 'Absolutely, no way!' which I respect, to 'No way, now... but maybe later, when I have learned to trust you'. Subs of the latter persuasion are the ones I adore to manipulate. If you had any 'hard limits', then of course these would be respected within session, as it is imperative that trust is allowed to build and be established between a Mistress and her sub. Activities that you aren't sure about, or have no experience of, are not hard limits (but are sometimes referred to as 'soft limits'). These can be explored and tested when you trust me enough to let me introduce you to them. All discussion will take place outside the session time, when you are less vulnerable and less 'pressured' - unless of course this is precisely what you like.

Time for another analogy. Imagine you would like a portrait commissioned. You research your favourite artists and you pick an artist based on their previous work or perhaps on their approach to life. You view their online gallery to ascertain their style. Happy with your choice, you book the artist to paint your portrait. Would you dream of telling the artist how to paint you? Would you insist that they use a certain make of paint? Would you stifle their creativity to ensure that you got a portrait to your own specifications?

As with anything you encounter during your lifetime and personal development you start off within the parameters of your comfort zone and you happily explore that, in full, but there comes a time that you have to trust your guide (your Mistress) to take you just that little bit further. Being open-minded enough to recognise this is something that is invaluable in a sub. I despair of those who are only willing to play out in their own back garden whilst wilfully ignoring the garden gate. Something you will realise from your life experience is that it isn't the activity you are exploring, it is the person you are exploring it with. Submitting to a person is far more rewarding than submitting to an activity.

To ensure that you have an enjoyable time you have to be able to relinquish control. I am not here to have a battle of wills with you. The whole point of seeing a Dominatrix is that you hand over control to someone who is aware of your likes and dislikes but wants to be allowed to be what she is - a woman who is going to dominate you.